It.s N0T Complicated

Love me.
Love me and only me. Treat me with the same respect that you want me to treat you. Know that I am NOT your last. Be true to me because I will be true to you.
The little things count.
A kiss on the forehead. A compliment. Notice when I.m stressed out. Hold my hand. MAKE ME A MEAL.
Trust. Honesty. Respect. Loyality. COMMUNICATION! These are all the things [and more] that are going to make our relationship last.

I look at being in a relationship as being on a team. We.re co-captains. Together, we call all the plays, WE make all the shots...decision makers. It is never mine or yours, it is ours. If there is a disagreement, let.s compromise and come to a conclusion...TOGETHER. I feel like people lose site of the fact that when you are in a relationship, you make decisions as a team. I understand the fact of wanting to do things on your own, and that is fine. But if it.s for the benefit for the love and bond that the two of you have, then you need to do what you gotta do.
I.m in NOBODYs good relationship right now but I.m pretty sure I.d follow my own rules if I were in one...because I have before. I don.t go to sleep angry because who knows what tomorrow may bring. I don.t do the petty arguing because that.s just lame in itself. I don.t bring up the past because it DOES affect the current...and future.

...to be continued...
iLost all train of thought! lol

Saying Goodbye...Finally

Lately, my mind has been on a rampage. I got this door that I so desperately need closed, yet I don.t know how. For the past 4 years, this door has been open. Looking through the door, I remember all the good times we.ve had. The laughs, the talks, the times that we.ve shared. But I don.t know the person on the other side of the door anymore. I don.t know who you are!

I wanted to fight for you. I wanted to show YOU that I could be...but I gave up. I didn.t see the need to fight. I didn.t see the need to try and work it out. I didn.t see the need to remind you of our love. I just didn.t see the need.

So I have the chance to close this chapter. I have made MANY mistakes in this chapter but I regret nothing. I.m more selective now. I.m more feisty now. I do not trust as easily now. None of these are bad things because had I not been an air head, I would have paid better attention to your mistakes instead of overlooking them.

A friendship as great as ours, is lost. I cannot endure it with you anymore because I do not trust you...anymore. But I hope you are happy with the decisions you have made. Although I do not understand ANY of this, I have come to learn that it is not meant for me to understand. I can no longer block the truth from my eyesight and my heart because at the end of the day, "it is what it is".

So Dear Door,
I tried to push you with all my might to get you to close and I just came to the realization that it is not force that is the trick. It.s time, understanding, and healing that does it. I.ve cried my tears, I.ve screamed as loud as I can. And after bearing my soul, I now see you closing faster now then before. If the person on the other side tries to open it again, he.ll be in for a rude awakening. It.s locked and has no intention on opening back up anytime soon.

:-)

From the Heart...

My mind is stupid clouded, so just bare with me.

I’m ready.
Ready to bare my soul.
I hurt…like hell.
I cry.
I fight.
I scream and shout.

But all of this is on the inside. Face the facts Tiff, this is what it is.

I’m READY to move on.
Get over it.
Get PAST it.
But how?
HOW can I get past it?
How can I just say, “Well thank you love. You f**ked with me for 3 years, it’s been fun.”
How do you get say “Goodbye” when goodbye has never been said?

Tired.
More like exhausted.
I could care less about getting to know love again.
I could care less about being with love again.
That is too far in advance for me.
I’m just trying to get past the hurt.

I hope you smile at night.
I hope you realize that my world is foggy while yours is flashing with lights.
I hope…

Somewhere out there, IS somebody for me.
Who’s going to love Tiffany Nicole for who she is.
She’s not perfect and she’s not a goddess.
She’s just a lame ass from Nashville, TN.
I love football, Golden Girls, and music.
I fear God and balloons.
I hate ignorance.
I’m pretty simple, extremely plain.
I’m going to get what’s mine.

"The past is never JUST past for it shapes your future"

Fuck It

I like how he gets to be petty and everything is honky dorey. I haven't gone postal on your ass yet, CONSIDER IT YOUR DAMN BLESSING! I.m tired...TIRED! You lied. All I wanted you to do was face me like the man you CLAIM to be, but you couldn.t do that, now could you?
I.m hurt.
Disgusted.
EMBARRASSED!!!
All I want to know is why. Why did you feel the need to lie to me for more than 3 years? Why did you not tell me do NOT fall in love with you? WHY? But I can.t have that. You won.t let me.
So I move on, with these songs in my ear:

Lost Your Mind- Beyonce
You Made A Fool of Me- Michelle Nicco...yea (lol)
Numb-Sia
SAY WHAT.S REAL- Drake

My mind, my thoughts

Well, well, well…where to start. My summer has been filled with more questions than answers. More thoughts than explanations. “No guts, no glory.” So here we go…Let.s start with relationships.

I.m a serious thinker. Like, think so hard that I make myself frustrated. So I asked a few friends “Is cheating ever acceptable?” This question sparked a great conversation between me and Jeremy. (Who wrote a wonderful know just the other day, go check it out if you are his friend. It.s worth it, I promise.) In my humble opinion (most things I say are, in fact, my opinion), cheating is NEVER acceptable. You have people that would say “Well if they cheat first then it.s ok” or “If they not doing their job, then yea, cheat” but my thing is, what.s the point? If I.m investing my time, emotions, and effort into you and a relationship, why would you cheat? If you wake up one morning and you realize that what we have isn.t what you want or it.s not working out, JUST LET ME KNOW! Yes, my little feelings may be hurt, but I PROMISE you, they.ll mend themselves back together, they usually do. I STILL think “Boyfriend #2” is the most ridiculous song out. It actually pisses me off, I mean really. Allow me to say, if you not 1st, you.re LAST! From personal experience, I.d rather be 1st. Plus Drake put it best, “If ‘she’ is the one, I.m the ZERO, damn.” You know what kind of risks you put yourself in by making yourself anything BUT first. As a matter of fact, forget being FRIST, I.m trying to be the ONE AND ONLY! I.ve gotten mighty selfish lately (should have been selfish, but I digress) and I don.t want to have to share EVER AGAIN! AIDS is real, STDs are real. Being in a monogamous relationship means you don.t have to wonder if your penis is going to fall off because some girl burnt you. But which girl? I.m just being honest.I have been in a loving relationship with myself for 8 months now. It.s been pretty swell, seriously. I learned how much I can take and what my breaking point is. I proved some people wrong (and you know that.s my favorite thing to do AFTER pissing them off). My little heart suffered a small crack, but it.s fully recovered now. But when I think about it, I.m still enjoying being with me and figuring out what makes ME happy. Don.t get me wrong, I was talking to a guy or two but it wasn.t going to go far. I wasn.t ready. I was so focused being in love with me and being married to Nashville State, I didn.t have time for a boyfriend #2 (ok, maybe I see the point if your 1st man is SCHOOL, or another significant dream) I spent the past 2 ½ years dickin (sorry mom) around that I guess I.m trying to make up for lost time. Based on the number of conversations we have had, I believe the guy I.m currently talking to understands this. I like him. He gets a special light in this note. Why? For the past few months, I.ve done nothing but laugh. He.s VERY encouraging, I like that. We mesh really well (thus far) and he.s easy to talk to. I.m honest with him and he knows where I stand on A LOT of things. I like that I can be chill with him. He.s selfish (in a good way), I like that. Yea, I like him. (lol)

“Whoop that hoe, whoop that hoe”
I had to touch on pickin ass females. I HAD TOO!! I, Tiffany Taylor (first name, last name…lol. Inside joke), REFUSE to argue. I.ve BEEN saying this for about 3 years now. If YOU have a problem with ME, come sit down and talk to me like you got some damn sense. We don.t have to agree, we don.t have to hold hands and sing “Lean On Me” but respect me enough to see ME ABOUT ME! There.s nothing that irritates me more when people whisper behind my back. We not 5 nor is this isn.t East Side High. I.ve had a few females test me recently and I just want to say if I didn.t have the friends I have, I would have punked them out. I don.t deal well with people testing me. I am a person, not a machine. If you wanna try your gangsta on somebody else, look in another direction. My sensible thinking won.t always be on, remember this. If you talk a lot of mess about what you gone do and who.s ass you gone whoop, somebody is going to call you out on that one day and the way they acting these days, it may not have a happy ending. I don.t promote violence nor do I encourage it. I.ve tried to end my past beefs with a few people and some weren.t trying to hear it but you know what, the point is I tried. I.m not saying I was trying to be their best friends but I was trying to keep the peace. I may not like you but I really have no full blown beef with anyone. So when I see you, I.ll speak. People say that.s fake but in my eyes, I.m southern, it.s courtesy. I didn.t say I.ll carry on a conversation with you, but at the end of the day, you still a person and I.m going to respect you as a person…at least that much.

Now on to respect…my favorite subject.
I still say you if you can.t be honest with me than there is no way in hell you can respect me. I don.t ask of much from people. But this, I numero uno on my list! I.ve learned A LOT from my mom. She may have taught it to me in 2003, but me looking back on why she would do the things she did, I understand now. Sometimes I wish I didn.t have to take this road, but better to have learned the lesson than to miss out on it. Thanks Mommy :-)! I respect very, VERY few in this life. Every so often I find another reason to respect those I love and I lose respect for those who had it. I.m not really sure how to elaborate more on this. I feel that there really isn.t a “read between the lines” kind of ordeal here.

Who the hell is Dyferent?
Dyferent came about the time I became single. I started realizing that I loved (I still love him, so that really shouldn.t be past tense) somebody and because our situation was “off”, to say the least, I wondered why I was so nonchalant about things. I mean it when I say I.m not the jealous type. I really don.t know why, I.m just not. I could care what the next girl has, what she.s doing, and who.s she.s doing it with. I.ve seen jealously ruin relationships and more likely than not, it.s not really the drama you made it out to be. So, in the end, being jealous makes YOU look like a big dummy. I don.t feel the need to look through my man.s phone. That.s so high school and, in turn, shows that I have insecurities. I agree with House, everybody lies. But I.ve seen somebody right in my face and didn.t even know I knew it. It.s not that I was being sneaky and looked through his phone (because he didn.t have one), HE told on himself! That goes back to me saying, “the world is small so watch out when you are doing your dirt.” That doesn.t mean I.m not paying attention. A friend of mine (and he may not remember ever saying this to me, but I do) once told me, “Just sit back, shut up, and pay attention, and everything will come into play.” I.ve been known to do this and if I bust out laughing it.s because I figured something out. I.ve played the oblivious role before but that wasn.t because I didn.t know. I turned a blind eye to it. If you try to throw an inside joke, more than likely I.m going to catch on. Don.t underestimate me, it MAY be the pit of your downfall. After the past 8 months, I KNOW God is real and I KNOW he.ll never put more on me than I can bare. I.ve had trials and tribulations before but I truly believe this was a great test and I hope I passed beyond expectation. In my many conversations with God, I ask him, what is it that you want me to do? What is my purpose? I.m happy to say that I know where I.m going and everyday it gets a little bit brighter. You see me talking about achievement and grinding hard and I surprise myself because I actually am doing these things. This summer has been HARD for the simple fact, I haven.t hung out like I wanted to. I haven.t been on a vacation like I wanted to because I made an obtainable goal for myself and I.m FINALLY putting in the necessary work to see it happen. I know I didn.t do it on my own, I had the help of the wonderful people God put in my life. In my striving to be Dyferent, I remember not to step on any toes on my way up because I may have to see those same faces coming down. I consider myself humble and caring. These traits are something I pride myself on. I.m still not where I want to be in life or even where I think I should be, but you best believe I.m getting there. Right foot, left foot.

“Sex 4 Suga, suga 4 sex”
I won.t go deep because mommy IS on facebook and she.s been busting my chops about little stuff. Mom, you.re going to be proud of me for this though. SEX ISN.T IMPORTANT….to me. I swear it.s not. I look around me and I see everybody doing it. You can have that. I mean, there.s safe sex but if you aren.t using the condoms, you aren.t being very safe, now are you? AND DON.T GET ME STARTED ON HAVING MORE THAN ONE PARTNER…ugh! I don.t trust ANYBODY right now to engage in it. Listen to the nonsense on the radio, look at the crap on TV. That alone lets me know the world has gone mad with something intended for 2 married people. Like Jeremy said, I read, I work out, I sleep…anything to focus my mind elsewhere. I.ll manage, I have before.

All of this was said because it has been on my mind. These are a few things along with MANY more that I think about when I.m coolin by myself. Agree, if you choose, disagree if you want. Just keep in mind what I.ve said. I.m not passing judgment on anybody, it.s not my job. I just got an opinion or two and felt the need to see if anybody felt me on it. I could be wrong, but the good thing about that is, I don.t mind being wrong. I must end this with my new favorite quote:

“A great nation is like a great man:When he makes a mistake, he REALIZES it.Having realized it, he ADMITS it.Having admitted it, he corrects it.He considers those who point out his faultsas his most benevolent teachers.He thinks of his enemyas the shadow that he himself casts.” –Lao-Tzu

PS...DON.T READ MY ISH TO BE NOSEY...COMMENT! YOU READ ALL OF THIS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL HUMOR ME AND FEED MY EGO (I JOKE, i KID) AND COMMENT!!!!

Seeing Sounds

My Alter Ego has a high Anticipation to make some Confessions on what truly is Pleasure [&&] Pain.
This Southern Hummingbird wants you to recognize The Beautiful Struggle that I.ve gone through.
With experience comes wisdom and this Love Experience has made me Fearless.
My Intuition on it all has made me So Far Gone that I may not be back for awhile.
My journey has allowed me to stumble upon Finding Forever.
With many misguided Directions, I slick got hooked on Food [&&] Liquor.
But within those Blacksummer'snight, I found Growing Pains.
My Fantasy Ride can.t last always, so I must come back As I Am.
Coming From Where I.m From, you might not comprehend if I said I was First Born Second. Just know that I accept within me that there is Room 4 Improvement.
By the end of it, my love for him was like a Hurricane, I was prepared to get Mama's Gun.
But those were just my Demon Days and now I.ve set sail on my Voyage to India.
Once I began Divorcing Neo to Marry Soul, I found this journey to be highly Unpredictable.
In A Perfect World, we.d have great Kemistry.
But I.m A Different Me who now see's your "True Reflection".

And this was supposed to be the Year Of The Gentlemen...

I.m Too Young to be Saying RIP to Him...

One week after and I realize that he.s gone. Our King has passed. What kills me is the fact that people want to focus on the negative aspects of this man.s life. HE.S DEAD…let.s just “Remember the Times”. So what he was in the news for negative things, he told you he was “Bad” didn.t he. Michael Jackson served us with MANY hits throught his 40 years in the business. “Lady of My Life”, “Billie Jean”, and my personal favorite, “Dirty Diana”. When we speak of him now, it.s weird to hear people say “the late, great Michael Jackson”. Weird…

This man is the reason I listen to music as we speak. Music is my soul, my air, my ear!! Michael Jaclson.s “Off the Wall” was the first album I played until my mother was blue in the face. The next album I played was the soundtrack to Poetic Justice. The last one, “HIStory”. Not just Michael by himself, but that whole family made music a big part of my life. I slick cried, I have no problem admitting that. RIP to the “Man in the Mirror”. You said you were going to make a change and that sir, you did.

My Love, Mi Amor

I’ve “Fallen” in love with you [&&] I don’t know when it happened.
I wake up to you every morning [&&] sleep with you most nights.
You words, brilliant.
Your style varies with your mood.
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
You make me “Smile” when I am sad.
You help ease my pain.
You take me there.
I’ve never known another to do me the way you do.
I am forever thankful that I have you.
I [[KNOW]] I’d be “Lost Without You”
My mind would be elsewhere,
A place where nothing makes sense.
Frequently frustrated, I’d know it all too well.
You are very “Unpredictable”.
Sometimes I never know what to expect Next (Selection)
You’ve help mold me.
Shape me.
Make me,
See that I am more than what they see me as.
You encourage me to “Go Hard”.
You told me to take “A Night Off” when I’m working to hard.
You said I should “Whoop That Hoe”
.but.
You turned around and said that “I Am A Lady”.
We go on our “Vacation” to get away from the Drama.
The Dream I have is to visit this “Houstatlantavegas”
[&&]
I know you’ll visit with me.
“I Can’t Believe It”, you’re more “Amazing” than I thought
I even “See You In My Nightmares”, which in the sense is scary.
I’ve been pissed off at you [&&] you told me “Don’t Let Go”
So I didn’t.
I stayed.
[&&] I’m here with you “Forever, For Always, For Love”


.an ode to music and the way it works.

"Joshua"

This is the 2nd time I.ve seen you in my dreams.
Not in my nightmares, but my actual dreams.
Wasn.t sure if you were here to see me.
They told me you were.
You screamed for meIt sounded like a cry that was 0NLY meant for me.
You are amazing
You caramel skin looked like it had been kissed from heaven.
Your big hazel eyes caught me way off guard.
We have brown eyes, strictly brown.
The way you looked at me in my eyes
Brought tear drops
After
Tear drops
I love you already.
You looked at me as if you were trying to tell me a story
Your nose, fat.
Small [&&] cute to say the least.
I kiss it.
You sneeze.
Precious.
Your hands, small.
But your fingers are long.
I already see the athlete in you.
You hair, short [&&] jet black.
Curly
I called you “Joshua”
You responded well to it.
I inspect the rest of you.
I see your big feet.
Now I.m sure you.re mine.
My baby has a mark on his thigh.
Looks like the state of Maine.…

I can.t believe I got all that from a dream or 2.
My son is the most amazing person that
I.ve ever seen.
But strangely he doesn.t exist yet.
I do know that I am older because Tylus is there with bass (ugh, lol) in his voice.
BJ is there too, tall as crap
This means it.s during the summer time.
I love this dream.
It makes me extremely happy.
I.m excited about the next 10 years
Because “Joshua” seems to be apart of my future.

Introducing...DYFERENT

Who the hell is Dyferent?

Dyferent is a 22 year old woman staight out of Nashville, TN.

She is my alter ego.

Dyferent [&&] TiffanyNicole ARE one in the same, but they have their differences. Dyferent is a thinker, a deep, deep thinker. At times, this gets the best of me.

I think of Dyferent as being who I will be in 2 years. So you can say, she slick ahead of the game. She makes the goals, I just obtain them. It.s like she sees ahead of my time. When she walks in a room, she demands your attention, but she doesn.t say a word. Dyferent doesn.t speak with words, she speaks with words, motions, smell, or maybe even a look. She.s smooth with it. She rocks with Duffy, Lykke Li, Santigold, Rye Rye, Sia...stuff that people aren.t jukin to...yet! Is it weird to think that my mind is spilt into two people? We are one in the same, but we have our dyferences...

Kobe Vs. LeBron

So honestly, I.m slick sick of it. I.m tired of hearing them both being compared to Jordan. Don.t get me wrong, I rock the Lakers all day [&&] night. But Jordan is Jordan...there will NEVER be another like him! LeBon is good, a very talented individual, but Kobe has proven to be the better player this year. Don.t agree? I.m watching game 5 of the finals as we speak...I.d like to think my statement is correct. I.m sorry, I.m not a LeBron fan [&&] I don.t think I.ll ever be such. Sorry, shoot me, I just can.t.
H.O.W.E.V.E.R...those puppet commercials are quite funny! I mean, the kid questioning LeBron was priceless! "LeBron, why you didn.t go to the finals??" [&&] the fact that he was quiet the entire commercial...great play!

Untitled

I know can’t win them all.

I tried.

I failed.

However, I got back up.

I dusted myself off[&&] went back to the books.

I viewed my mistakes.

ALL of them.

Common mistakes, big, small, stupid, [&&] accidental.

I took them into consideration.

I asked coach to put me back in the game

But he was not going.

I had to tell him I got it right this time.

I understand the plays now [&&] I plan on calling them right.

With a crocked look, he did.

I got in [&&] fell…hard.

But just as quickly as I feelI picked myself back up [&&] hustled.

I haven’t won yet

.but.

Guess who’s not losing anymore?

Hell is no longer an option for me.

Coach wants me to remain on his team for the rest of my life

[&&]

My next life.

My President Isn't [[JUST]] Black

You know I can't spell...just roll with the punches!!!What does this mean??The 44th President of the United States of America is indeed black.HOWEVER that isn't all he is.I figuered I missed a thing or two so I decided to look up somethings before I wrote this. I'm highly irritated in hearing some of the things I've heard. Yes, this is a proud moment for our country and yes, African American's everywhere should be filled with joy.But what I don't understand is why some black people say that "we" (as blacks) got him in office.ARE YOU DENSE IN THE HEAD?!?!? If it wasn't for white people who believed in him and his words, he wouldn't BE in office.WE'RE (anybody not white) are the mInority!!!With that being said, don't you think we would need some of the majority to...i don't know, BECOME the majority?!?I'm irritated because some black people thought white people shouldn't be as proud as we were on November 4th.I'm irritated because nobody is recognizing that this man's white grandparents had SOMETHING to do with him being in office.He was in 5th grade for he realized that, "Hey, I'm kinda black which means, I'm going to really know what it means to be black." (my thoughts)His WHITE maternal grandparents and white mother helped guide him through that, not his BLACK father. To my understanding, he (Barack, Sr.) went to Harvard, got that Ph.D, and went back to Kenya.(I got this from the following website if you don't believe me: http://www.biography.com/featured-biography/barack-obama/index.jsp)I'm not saying we shouldn't feel a sense of pride because the man officially has the darkest comelexion EVER in that seat.But can we PLEASE respect the woman who birthed him?She DID have something to do with his living.Can we respect the woman who helped raise him?Neither of these women got to witness this head on. (His mother died in '95 of cancer and his grandmother died Nov. 3...the DAY before the election)I'm only hot on the issue because I would feel so disrespected if I were either of them.Rarely will you catch me saying Brack Obama is black, because that isn't ALL he is.His mother isn't black, therefore he is bi-racial.

a WoMaN LiKe Me

Do you think you can love a woman like me? I’m pretty difficult and I don’t read in between the lines real well.I’m not really into trusting people, it’s almost pointless.I like to walk around the house in a t-shirt and socks [pants optional].If you walk out the door without explanation, I’m not the one who’s going to chase you. Love, I believe in it, but I’m not a fan of it.Do you think you can love a woman like me?I overanalyze a situation way too hard, especially when it makes no sense to me.I’ll admit, I’ve been hurt in the past, but I’m not the type to bring it into my future in a negative way.I use to put others first and for the first time in my life; I love me more than ever.I guess you can say my Ego has a name…we call her Dyferent.I might try to pick a fight with you if I see that you are capable of being pushed.I’m really picky.Do you think you can love a woman like me? I’d rather lie on the couch and watch a movie.Being mushy in public is the dumbest thing ever, no matter how much I like you.I’m at the point where I can’t hold my anger in.If I’m stressed out, everyone around me is going to know it.Drama isn’t really my thing; I’d like to think of myself as a laid back person.It’s only a few people I’ll immediately admit if I’m wrong, you might not be that person.Do you think you can love a woman like me?I clean the hell out of some stuff, but I haven’t learned to cook, I was traumatized at a young age.If I could do it for a living and live comfortably, I’d sleep majority of my day away.Kissing is the sexiest thing ever to me.I often make excuses and really bad ones at that.If you think [Youu] can love a woman like me then be my guest. It’s not an easy task.But I believe I’m up for the challenge.Who am I kidding, [Youu] know me better than I know myself…don’t [Youu]?